I can’t believe I just typed that…we have been home 4 weeks! It seems like we were in China years ago….yet it was just a month ago we left that beautiful country and brought our little jewel home for the first time. The Gracie we had in China is a different child than the Gracie we have now.
It’s like she’s been with us forever. Other than the pictures on our computer and the pictures of the orphanage and children that will forever be etched in my mind, I wouldn’t think we traveled across the world to get her. She has adapted and barely skipped a beat coming into her forever family. Now, that first week home was rough, to put it lightly. And not because of lack of sleep, jet lag, attachment issues, or any other “re-entering the real world” growing pains. It was because Gracie and I got the flu just two days after getting home.
Week 1
We arrived home Thursday night around 10:30 pm to the beautiful faces of our two boys and some of our sweet friends…what a great feeling to come down that escalator and see the familiar faces of the ones who had been praying, encouraging, and loving us through this process. I could not wait to squeeze on our boys who stayed at home during the trip. One of my most favorite things about our friends being at the airport to welcome us home was to see the pure, sweet excitement in their children’s faces when they met Gracie. Their cute little smiles were just beaming with joy to see her…a little girl once abandoned and without a family to now being lavished with love, tickles and tears at her arrival.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved and excited to hug my friends as I did that night.
Week 1
We arrived home Thursday night around 10:30 pm to the beautiful faces of our two boys and some of our sweet friends…what a great feeling to come down that escalator and see the familiar faces of the ones who had been praying, encouraging, and loving us through this process. I could not wait to squeeze on our boys who stayed at home during the trip. One of my most favorite things about our friends being at the airport to welcome us home was to see the pure, sweet excitement in their children’s faces when they met Gracie. Their cute little smiles were just beaming with joy to see her…a little girl once abandoned and without a family to now being lavished with love, tickles and tears at her arrival.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved and excited to hug my friends as I did that night.
The first full day home we took Gracie in for a check up since she had been sick most of the time in China. We were up around 10 am with Gracie sleeping on my head…her and I slept in the guest bedroom while Denny slept in our room so at least one of us would have a chance at getting a good night’s sleep. Our appointment was Friday afternoon and we still didn’t get her into the carseat as she was still pretty scared. Denny drove us there as if we were still in China…they drive pretty crazy there and I finally reminded him we weren’t in China anymore…there are rule of the road here. Marianna had actually called and scheduled this appointment for us while we were in China and we found out our pediatrician was supposed to be off the rest of the day but ended up staying late so he could meet Gracie. He was so excited to see her when he came into the room. He said she has a sinus infection and put her on antibiotics. He was impressed with how well she managed things with her hands and she ended up “talking” more during that appointment than the whole time we were in China. By the end of the exam he said with a proud smile on his face, “You are amazing, Gracie.”
After talking with him for awhile about the trip, we then headed to the Asian market just down the street where we found some more noodles and Chinese crackers….and I might have squealed with joy when Denny found some dumplings! We will be back to this place! She played with Grandma Lois when we got home and she even fell asleep on her! We struggled with staying awake during the day as jet lag is no joke! Emma fell asleep for 4 hours during the day and then couldn’t go to sleep until after midnight. Denny was sitting crisscross on the floor helping me clean up some toys and the next thing I know he is snoring because he's asleep...sitting up! Later he went to make dinner and we all came inside to eat and he's asleep in the chair. This was the first day….things went down hill fast after this.
Gracie had a fever off and on Saturday and would barely eat and I woke up in the middle of the night with a high fever. Sunday morning I ended up at the doctor where they said I had the flu, ear infection, and a severe sinus infection. I am so glad I didn't have all of that while in China! Coming home from the doctor and getting straight into bed on Sunday is one of the last things I remember until Tuesday. I was in and out of sleep and didn’t find out until this week (3 weeks later) some of the crazy things that went on at our house while I had the flu. For starters, Denny had to take over all care of his new attachment, Gracie…and oh yeah, the other three kiddos in the house…food, China laundry, and just the day to day survival…all while recovering from jet lag. Apparently that Monday Gracie had a follow-up appointment to check her fever and infection. Denny was too out of it to drive…and still didn’t want to force her into a car seat so our dear friend Michele (and her 2 kiddos) came over and took them to the pediatrician. It’s pretty humorous hearing this story now as it sounded like Denny looked pretty rough, Michele was trying to keep the kids quiet so Gracie wouldn’t freak out, and then dropping them off at the doctor where later another friend picked Denny and Gracie up and brought them back home. Gracie ended up getting diagnosed with the flu that day and thankfully the doctor put the whole house on flu preventative medicine and no one else ended up getting sick.
Where does the crazy come in, you ask? Well, this dear friend who drove Denny and Gracie to the doctor, who kept the older kids the day before, who also took Jonathan to play with another friend and her kids….also transported Gracie’s stool sample around Chattanooga to get it tested for bad germs - aka Giardia (which thankfully it all came back negative!) Now that’s a true friend! Well, it gets even better.
I didn’t know this at the time either, but another dear friend, Stephen, came over Sunday night to help with bedtime. Putting four kids to bed doesn’t normally need assistance. But remember…there was nothing normal going on at our house at this point. Just home from China. Major jet lag. Mom with the flu. Three very excited and rambunctious kids. Looked like 3 suitcases had exploded. And a newly adopted kiddo with the flu who was pretty scared of everything and wasn’t getting to see her mommy too much. Stephen came and was an extra helping hand to Denny. This is AFTER he and Rachel had already cared for our boys and lived here for a week while we were in China! Now by Tuesday I was finally awake some and heard his gentle voice waking William up for school….he had spent the night! Both nights! On the couch! Just to help his buddy. While his buddy’s wife and new child were sick with the flu. (As smitten as Stephen is with Gracie, I’m now thinking he really wanted to see more of her :) This is true love....knowing we had the flu and our friends coming to care for us...honestly it's unheard of.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
At some point in all of this, Denny and the kids had an Easter egg hunt in the yard.
I didn’t know this at the time either, but another dear friend, Stephen, came over Sunday night to help with bedtime. Putting four kids to bed doesn’t normally need assistance. But remember…there was nothing normal going on at our house at this point. Just home from China. Major jet lag. Mom with the flu. Three very excited and rambunctious kids. Looked like 3 suitcases had exploded. And a newly adopted kiddo with the flu who was pretty scared of everything and wasn’t getting to see her mommy too much. Stephen came and was an extra helping hand to Denny. This is AFTER he and Rachel had already cared for our boys and lived here for a week while we were in China! Now by Tuesday I was finally awake some and heard his gentle voice waking William up for school….he had spent the night! Both nights! On the couch! Just to help his buddy. While his buddy’s wife and new child were sick with the flu. (As smitten as Stephen is with Gracie, I’m now thinking he really wanted to see more of her :) This is true love....knowing we had the flu and our friends coming to care for us...honestly it's unheard of.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
At some point in all of this, Denny and the kids had an Easter egg hunt in the yard.
This first week was rough but was made sweeter by the love poured on us by our generous friends. Several other friends pitched in to help us get over that hump by taking our youngest son to play with her boys for the day, many brought dinner every other day for this whole month, notes of encouragement were left around our house and another friend who came over to bring food unloaded our dishwasher. :) So many examples of His love and care….people being the hands and feet of Jesus. Our village is just so precious to us. No words could ever explain how very blessed we are by you all.
Week 2
So by week two things were looking up. I still felt crummy and went back to the doctor because the congestion and extreme fatigue just wasn’t going away. Apparently, it takes a good two weeks to get over all I had, combined with jet lag. Looking back, this time allowed us to really cocoon and bond with Gracie. This time at home forced us to really slow down and just be. We have had so much fun enjoying the firsts of life through Gracie’s eyes. She had never experienced life outside the four walls of her orphanage until she was brought to us at the Civil Affairs office in Nanjing. She has been wide eyed taking in all of God’s creation.
Week 2
So by week two things were looking up. I still felt crummy and went back to the doctor because the congestion and extreme fatigue just wasn’t going away. Apparently, it takes a good two weeks to get over all I had, combined with jet lag. Looking back, this time allowed us to really cocoon and bond with Gracie. This time at home forced us to really slow down and just be. We have had so much fun enjoying the firsts of life through Gracie’s eyes. She had never experienced life outside the four walls of her orphanage until she was brought to us at the Civil Affairs office in Nanjing. She has been wide eyed taking in all of God’s creation.
The trees blowing in the wind, ants scurrying around, the gradual slope in our driveway that causes her feet to move a little faster, food crumbs on the palms of her hands, the sound a zipper makes going up on her pajamas, the feeling of being held upside down, rain in her face. All things our other three kids had already experienced by this age. Things many children will never get to experience as they continue to live in an orphanage.
Now that Gracie was feeling better, she would try any food put in front of her. She has had no gagging and she hasn't thrown up since we've been home - praise God!! She loves when the kids are around and loves playing with them...she also loves doing flips on the floor and playing peek a boo.
Now that Gracie was feeling better, she would try any food put in front of her. She has had no gagging and she hasn't thrown up since we've been home - praise God!! She loves when the kids are around and loves playing with them...she also loves doing flips on the floor and playing peek a boo.
Sleep still wasn’t going well at this point. After we got over the flu she was back to sleeping on me. I would have to lie down when she did for naps and bedtime. Not a good situation for anyone. I’m not against co-sleeping…we were all for that if that’s what she needed... but co-sleeping means that you SLEEP together and we were not doing that. We were co-tossing around and not sleeping. After a week and a half home I decided to give Gracie her bottle while she was lying down and then try to sneak away…and it worked! She was sleeping in the guest bedroom with pillows piled around her so she wouldn’t fall out. She slept a solid 13 hours…without me! It was awesome! I did the same thing for nap and it worked for about two days until she caught on to what was happening and then decided once she finished her bottle she would roll over and quickly put her arm on me so I couldn’t sneak away. I tried to inch my arm away after she fell asleep but the little booger knew when I was even thinking of trying to move away! She would wake up and scream and crawl on top of me. So I was back to not sleeping and still sick. Denny decided to take over bedtime and tried the same maneuver. Since she still wasn’t too sure of him at this point she would not roll over and touch him. She would lie down with the bottle and when she finished it she would cry and then he would massage her hands until she fell asleep. He was able to sneak out and as far as I was concerned, he was in charge of bedtime indefinitely. But Gracie still wasn’t in her room or in her bed. Just the sight of the crib would put her into hysterical crying. With Denny traveling overnight for work in just 5 days, I knew the plan of him taking over bedtime forever wasn’t a reality. How in the world was I going to put her to bed at 7 pm, and therefore put myself to bed at 7 pm, and just let the other three kiddos take care of the rest? I mean, have you met Jonathan??
Then it all changed with an email. Remember the beautiful pearl drop pearl necklaces we sold as a fundraiser? (You won’t believe what we were able to purchase for the orphanage with that money…more on that soon...hopefully!)
We purchased the necklaces through the Sparrow Fund, an "organization that serves orphaned children by serving the families who welcome them home."
http://sparrow-fund.org
Well, the founder of that organization, Kelly, is also an attachment therapist. And I swear we have been friends for 100 years now…even though we have only “talked” through email….and just since September. :) If you’ve emailed back and forth at least 30 times that counts as a friend, right?? Anyway, we have been in communication quite a bit over the last few months with the necklace orders and once we were matched with Gracie, she was a great support and encouragement, again through email, for that part of the process. I have loved following her blog and reading about the mission trips they plan to orphanages across China. She had been on my mind a lot this week. Why couldn’t she just live here so I could just swing by for coffee and ask her opinion about the sleep craziness at our house...and to make sure we weren’t hurting the attachment process by Denny causing her to be so upset when taking over bedtime. Pennsylvania is a bit far just to stop by for coffee so I did the next best thing and emailed her. I didn’t want to take up her time because her cup runneth over but she told me to just spill it all out and would see how she could help. The Lord had our paths cross this past September…for many reasons. Honeslty, I hope the reasons continue! The Lord has used her in many ways on our adoption journey and I’m sure she’s not even aware of most of them! We ended up talking on the phone which was such a sweet surprise.
Kelly told me everything I had mentioned sounded good to her and wanted to know what my biggest concern was. Selfishly, my biggest concern was how are we going to function with no sleep, but also we didn’t know if Denny taking over bedtime and causing her more fear would disrupt their slow go of attaching as Gracie was still unsure about Denny. She asked me if I had ever heard of “Rupture and Repair”. Um…no.
Rupture and repair is actually a crucial part of secure attachment…for any child. No matter how much we love our children, there comes a point where we will not agree and will need to set limits and say “no.” This can cause a “rupture” and the child will cry or have a tantrum in protest. This protest is to be expected. The key to strengthening the attachment bond of trust is to be available the minute the child is ready to reconnect. This is the “repair.” Through our bedtime routine with Gracie, we were unknowingly having “rupture and repair” and Denny was actually part of the rupture and the repair…which I found out was a good thing! As long as the rupture is repaired, you are helping establish and build confidence, security, and attachment within the relationship. It was so reassuring to have the professional ear in this conversation let us know we are on the right track. Even though letting her cry at bedtime is not something that is typically looked favorably upon in international adoption training….it is something we wanted to try knowing she already felt secure enough to sleep through the night without us by her side. Kelly also talked me through a few other scenarios and we also went over a specific schedule and a “script” of what to say to her when putting her to bed. This “script” was to comfort and reassure Gracie she will be ok and that I will be back…but the funny thing is how that script did the same for me…reassuring me that her sleeping in a crib is good for her and that she will be ok. Our phone call ended with a sweet time of prayer.
This conversation was happening while I was driving home from the store. Once there, I entered the house with a renewed strength and assurance…and I went right to work. I disassembled her make-shift bed, diaper changing station and pile of supplies in the guest bedroom and took them to Gracie’s real room. Her room is actually where our 4-year old has been sleeping…I was waiting to move him to bunk with his older brother until this summer when things would be a bit slower. Well, he got moved out this day…and fast. All of his stuff was thrown on the top bunk in his brother’s room and clothes were put in his new dresser. I put Gracie’s blanket and diapers in her new room and we were all set. I brought her into the room and showed her the crib as she fiercely pulled away from it. I went through our bedtime routine, said my three sentences and placed her in the crib while she was crying. I knew without a doubt this was the best thing for her and I knew without a doubt this would work. God’s got this! Every time I would lie her down she would pop back up grasping to the side of the crib. We went through that 4 or 5 times and then I told her good night and walked out. Thankfully there’s a little crack between the two doors where I can still see into her room. I set my timer and was going to go back in if she was still crying after 10 minutes. At 6 minutes I heard it…complete silence! I peaked back in and she was ASLEEP….and standing up holding on to the side of the crib. But she IS asleep. Oh how I wish I could have taken a picture of her like this and sent it to Kelly and say, “We won! We won!!” A few seconds later she lost her grip and lied down in her crib. She napped for four hours...the longest nap she’s ever had! We did the same routine that night and she cried for maybe 4 minutes and then slept 14 hours straight!
http://sparrow-fund.org
Well, the founder of that organization, Kelly, is also an attachment therapist. And I swear we have been friends for 100 years now…even though we have only “talked” through email….and just since September. :) If you’ve emailed back and forth at least 30 times that counts as a friend, right?? Anyway, we have been in communication quite a bit over the last few months with the necklace orders and once we were matched with Gracie, she was a great support and encouragement, again through email, for that part of the process. I have loved following her blog and reading about the mission trips they plan to orphanages across China. She had been on my mind a lot this week. Why couldn’t she just live here so I could just swing by for coffee and ask her opinion about the sleep craziness at our house...and to make sure we weren’t hurting the attachment process by Denny causing her to be so upset when taking over bedtime. Pennsylvania is a bit far just to stop by for coffee so I did the next best thing and emailed her. I didn’t want to take up her time because her cup runneth over but she told me to just spill it all out and would see how she could help. The Lord had our paths cross this past September…for many reasons. Honeslty, I hope the reasons continue! The Lord has used her in many ways on our adoption journey and I’m sure she’s not even aware of most of them! We ended up talking on the phone which was such a sweet surprise.
Kelly told me everything I had mentioned sounded good to her and wanted to know what my biggest concern was. Selfishly, my biggest concern was how are we going to function with no sleep, but also we didn’t know if Denny taking over bedtime and causing her more fear would disrupt their slow go of attaching as Gracie was still unsure about Denny. She asked me if I had ever heard of “Rupture and Repair”. Um…no.
Rupture and repair is actually a crucial part of secure attachment…for any child. No matter how much we love our children, there comes a point where we will not agree and will need to set limits and say “no.” This can cause a “rupture” and the child will cry or have a tantrum in protest. This protest is to be expected. The key to strengthening the attachment bond of trust is to be available the minute the child is ready to reconnect. This is the “repair.” Through our bedtime routine with Gracie, we were unknowingly having “rupture and repair” and Denny was actually part of the rupture and the repair…which I found out was a good thing! As long as the rupture is repaired, you are helping establish and build confidence, security, and attachment within the relationship. It was so reassuring to have the professional ear in this conversation let us know we are on the right track. Even though letting her cry at bedtime is not something that is typically looked favorably upon in international adoption training….it is something we wanted to try knowing she already felt secure enough to sleep through the night without us by her side. Kelly also talked me through a few other scenarios and we also went over a specific schedule and a “script” of what to say to her when putting her to bed. This “script” was to comfort and reassure Gracie she will be ok and that I will be back…but the funny thing is how that script did the same for me…reassuring me that her sleeping in a crib is good for her and that she will be ok. Our phone call ended with a sweet time of prayer.
This conversation was happening while I was driving home from the store. Once there, I entered the house with a renewed strength and assurance…and I went right to work. I disassembled her make-shift bed, diaper changing station and pile of supplies in the guest bedroom and took them to Gracie’s real room. Her room is actually where our 4-year old has been sleeping…I was waiting to move him to bunk with his older brother until this summer when things would be a bit slower. Well, he got moved out this day…and fast. All of his stuff was thrown on the top bunk in his brother’s room and clothes were put in his new dresser. I put Gracie’s blanket and diapers in her new room and we were all set. I brought her into the room and showed her the crib as she fiercely pulled away from it. I went through our bedtime routine, said my three sentences and placed her in the crib while she was crying. I knew without a doubt this was the best thing for her and I knew without a doubt this would work. God’s got this! Every time I would lie her down she would pop back up grasping to the side of the crib. We went through that 4 or 5 times and then I told her good night and walked out. Thankfully there’s a little crack between the two doors where I can still see into her room. I set my timer and was going to go back in if she was still crying after 10 minutes. At 6 minutes I heard it…complete silence! I peaked back in and she was ASLEEP….and standing up holding on to the side of the crib. But she IS asleep. Oh how I wish I could have taken a picture of her like this and sent it to Kelly and say, “We won! We won!!” A few seconds later she lost her grip and lied down in her crib. She napped for four hours...the longest nap she’s ever had! We did the same routine that night and she cried for maybe 4 minutes and then slept 14 hours straight!
This little peanut really needed some good rest! Just three days later she was down to a whimper cry at bedtime and now it only lasts about 5 seconds. She has slept soundly through the night ever since, praise God! This one email that turned into a phone call really changed the course for us and we are so grateful!!
Week 3 and 4
Now that we were all healthy and sleeping, the next two weeks were really filled with establishing a new routine as a family of 6. The best word to describe life with her is FUN. It is just so fun getting to see her experience new things in her world right now. Gracie enjoyed her first time in a swing but is still unsure about climbing on a playground.
Week 3 and 4
Now that we were all healthy and sleeping, the next two weeks were really filled with establishing a new routine as a family of 6. The best word to describe life with her is FUN. It is just so fun getting to see her experience new things in her world right now. Gracie enjoyed her first time in a swing but is still unsure about climbing on a playground.
She LOVES bath time. Last Sunday at church I walked her out to the courtyard where there's a pretty water fountain. She immediately started taking off her clothes! Every pool of water is not a bathtub.
She loves to play with the boys light sabers and walks around with one in each hand. Thankfully she is a good eater and loves green peas, waffles and can devour 16 ounces of yogurt before you can say stop.
Just a week and a half ago she would not leave my side and wanted to be carried most of the time. Today she runs around the house with excitement and I’ve actually had to go looking for her a few times. She loves to be outside and push her little grocery cart but the best improvement has been with Denny.
She will now walk up to him and give him a hug or want him to pick her up. She gets so excited when she hears the front door open and screams and squeals as she “runs” to see her daddy or siblings coming home. The strides she has made in just this one week have been remarkable to watch. Just four weeks ago she was so terrified and would grind her teeth most of the day out of fear. She now spends a lot of her day in giggles and being covered in kisses. I am so thankful the Lord heals the brokenhearted. We are humbled and honored that God chose us to be Gracie's parents. Her given Chinese name means “pure joy” and oh how fitting it is!!
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit." Pslam 147:3-5
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit." Pslam 147:3-5